Published by Eventing Connect

I have been MIA recently,for which I do apologise. The whole summer was chucked upside down by the stock theft and then a series of unfortunate and expensive events followed on from that. I won’t bore you with it,but the brief summary goes like this-first up,the big lorry cattle trailer needs replacing. Terrifying expense ahoy. Then the four year old (horse,just to be clear….) I had just advertised for sale to raise some dollars decided that it never wants to leave,that it loves me and the only solution to the situation was to attempt to saw her hind leg off. It was deliberate. No doubt. All of you ‘horses are not capable of rational thought’ people,YOURE WRONG…… Anyway,she opened an artery and she had a go at bleeding to death. She was stapled up and bandaged three days in a row but kept on bleeding in what became a very scary situation. She colicked from the sedation and couldn’t do much more than lie down looking defeated. ‘Let the crows have me’……she said. Then as an afterthought,she developed cellulitis AND a weird abscess just below her hock. Laughing in the face of antibiotics. Of course,she’s the only horse in twenty years that I can’t manage to inject or syringe (because she is some sort of Ted Bundy in matters of medicine administration) so she then ran up a MAHOOSIVE vets bill with daily call outs (because the vet is about eleven feet tall and a crack shot with an iv even if the horse is doing the fandango). All I can say is, horse-you BETTER fucking jump next season…… 
In the middle of this abortion,weird things were happening. Items kept flying off the shelves in my tack room. Things would go missing,only to turn up days later in improbable places. Machinery would randomly break down at vital moments.And then there was the squirrel. We don’t have squirrels on the farm,they haven’t been seen here in forty years (apparently). I went out to work a horse,came back to the tack room afterwards and there was a dead red squirrel on the floor of the tack room. The room is sealed,there was no way in.Red squirrels are super-rare. Again,We don’t have any squirrels…… You are now entering the twilight zone. When I had finished freaking out and wondering if some sort of cult religion might be a good idea after all,I decided that there was only one thing to do. I took my beautiful squirrel to the taxidermist. ‘When life gives you lemons,drink tequila’ right? Except in my case,it’s ‘when life gives you (dead) squirrels…..’ Colour me completely freaked out…..
To add to the poxy horse and it’s stupid poxy infected limb,my little boy got a terrible chest infection. He is recovering after a boatload of antibiotics. Life throws up an all-new perspective once you have children. Although this year has been a real ‘Annus Horribles’ for us, Charlie fixes EVERYTHING. Once he is ok,the rest of it is just white noise. He has recently taken a keen interest in mucking out (hurrah!!!) so he now has his very own wheelbarrow. Start as you mean to go on….. 

My farrier was here yesterday,and in the course of conversation he said ‘wouldn’t you wonder what goes through horses’ heads?’ I have the answer! Jibberish,mostly. Plain and simple. They have no idea what they are doing. They are large,hopeless and badly designed expensive downhill toboggans,with minds like a labyrinth and no decorum. To be fair,they are just as varied and diverse as humans in my experience-some are supremely intelligent and some are stupid. Some are incredible talents and some are hopeless cases. Some are genuine,willing partners and some don’t care actually,what it is you want. Some are tough and durable,others are great big nancies made of glass and polystyrene. Some are programmed in Taiwanese,and some in your native language. Some come with a manual,some without. So why is it,then, that I always seem to end up with vastly intelligent and talented types that don’t care what I want,are made of glass and programmed in Taiwanese but with no manual????? Sigh.



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I am a Sports horse producer based in Ireland. That sounds very grand....the reality is that life here is crazy-trying to fit four horses,200 cattle,a baby and a husband into a day results in tales of the insane and a feeling of lurching through life with no clue what's going on. I have a keen interest in everything from planets to bones to quantum mechanics,and am a perpetual asker of the question 'why?'.

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