Published by Horseplay.ie
It is almost impossible to believe that it’s nearly time for Christmas. Early December is an excellent time to start writing your list for Santa-after all,he might need to organise a bigger sleigh……
First things first. We Irish are obsessed with the weather. Constant scrutiny of the weather forecast is prerequisite if you live an outdoor life with horses. Trying to fit working two horses in between a tornado and a thunder storm is an art form in this country,and you better get good at it if you want to survive. Or you could ask Santa for an indoor school. What must such luxury every day be like???? Imagine staying PERFECTLY DRY riding your horses. Imagine not looking windswept and interesting all the time. No one would recognise you. So come on,Santa. Start strapping the cladding onto the sleigh and get the sand lined up. We have all been VERY good,all year……
Next on the list is a string of top jumpers. You would look pretty shit hot jumping Bella Donna around a 1.10 in Cavan. Fit For Fun looks like a bit of craic too.For the eventers,Faerie Dynamo and Wesko look handy enough to do alright at the next Olympics,so add them to the list whilst you’re at it.
Now You’ll need something to travel your horses around in. I quite like the pop out side lorries with all leather interiors and a polished oak finish. A jacuzzi would be a nice touch to help you relax at the end of a tough day in the saddle. Room for at least six horses is a must (Bella Donna likes her space,you know). Throw in a couple of grooms and there will be no stopping you now. From the jacuzzi to the saddle and back again. This is the life,chaps.
When you get to a show,it’s important to look the part. You have taken care of most of the Christmas must-have essentials, but now you’re into the really important stuff. When jumping your amazing horses that Santa has brought you, you need to look classy both in the ring and in photos. The secret weapon here is the right saddle. Finest hand crafted French brands are the way to go,with decent knee and thigh blocks. No matter how shit useless you are,you will still always look superb in the air. You can kit out your horse in a matching bridle,breastplate and boots too. Don’t forget some fancy tricolour stirrup irons and a matching helmet,plus a collection of at least two hundred of the most expensive bits you can find.Now you’re winning.
Finally, you’ll need some designer clothes and sunglasses. To make sure Santa doesn’t make a mistake,peruse the most over priced equestrian websites you can find to select the perfect breeches,shirts and jackets. Even the socks. Bella Donna can’t possibly jump like that if you are wearing Aldi socks,so don’t let her or Santa down…….
Merry Christmas,folks xxx